JMF Coaching

Life Coach•ADHD Specialist•Meditation Teacher

Family ADHD Coaching

It’s time we change the way we look at ADHD!

holding-on-to-anger-photo-by-Leland-Francisco
Photo by Leland Francisco

IT’S TIME WE CHANGE THE WAY WE LOOK AT ADHD!

Anyone who knows me or has worked with me knows that I’m not a fan of labels. Ironic, right? As an “ADHD” specialist, it’s a constant struggle for me in finding the right balance in using the “label” ADHD (which is of course necessary for treatment) and neurological difference and diversity, what I refer to as “brain type.”

While I absolutely believe that ADHD is real, I struggle with the term Attention Deficit Disorder, for a number of reasons.

First, I don’t believe that it’s a deficit of attention. What I do believe is that it’s a deficit of regulation of attention. The issue isn’t about paying attention, its about what you pay attention to; its about the inability to regulate where your attention goes.

And the second issue that I have is with the word “disorder”.  “Great news, honey! I’ve been diagnosed with a disorder!” said no one ever! The interesting thing about this brain type is that there are so many instances where having this brain is hardly a disorder! As a matter of fact, quite the contrary. It can be quite resourceful! There are many strengths and gifts associated with ADHD.

In his book ADD: A Different Perception, psychotherapist Thom Hartmann, suggests that ADHD is not a disorder. Early humans were hunters and gatherers. Thom Hartmann theorizes that just as our talents and strengths vary today, some humans were better suited for hunting and gathering than others. Because they were hyper-aware of every stimulus (easily distracted), they were able to constantly monitor their environment. This was necessary for survival!

In his hunter-farmer theory, he also suggests that by immediately reacting to a situation (impulsivity), this allowed the hunter to instantly identify and seize opportunities. Taking time thinking and planning would more likely have left the hunter without food.

In this chart from his book, you can see that what we now define as a “disorder” was actually beneficial.

https://www.thomhartmann.com/articles/2007/11/thom-hartmanns-hunter-and-farmer-approach-addadhd

Yes, I know. It’s true that today we’re no longer “hunting” for our survival. But there certainly are instances where these traits can be viewed as strengths and talents. Isn’t it in the impulsive and distracted mind that ideas, change and creativity are born?

Yes, there is a time and place for this, no doubt. I agree that a lack of regulation of attention definitely has it’s difficulties. But if we can learn to regulate our attention, then perhaps the only thing left is having the gift of this magnificent, and often brilliant brain type!

So how do you learn to regulate your attention? Start with a practice of Mindfulness!

I encourage you to take a few minutes to watch this YouTube video on Neurodiversity. It just might change the way you look at ADHD!

It’s time we see the value in this as well as all other brain types!

The Blame Game

You, and only you, are responsible for your life.

Every choice you make creates your reality. We don’t always have control over the situation, but what we can control is how we respond. In each situation, we’re given 3 choices.

  1. We can blame others for the pain, the grief or the sorrow that we’re experiencing. We are victim to their behaviors.
  2. We can blame ourselves for our own poor choices that led to this pain and suffering. We can become angry with ourselves for making such stupid choices.

The third choice is to just “be”

…be with the experience of the pain, without resistance, without judgment, without wanting it to change. Just allow it to be, knowing that it has it’s purpose in your life. We choose to see this as an opportunity to learn about ourselves.

Yeah, sometimes it sucks. It’s painful. It hurts. But when we choose blame, we choose resistance, we choose avoidance, we lose our power.  And we wait for it to happen again. And it will. It might not look the same, but the lesson that it teaches us is the same.

We can only know it’s purpose when we allow ourselves to experience it, without judgment and without blame. We ask ourselves these questions

  • What is the lesson?
  • What can I learn about myself in this situation?
  • How can I use this to move forward?

We listen. We learn. We grow.

There is the power!

My wish for you in 2018

Wishing you and yours a very Happy New Year!

In 2018, may the choices that you make,
be a reflection of your Hopes, not your fears.

Love & Peace,
Jo

 

Just for Today – I will count my Blessings!

Well, for one, research shows the amazing benefits of gratitude!

Two psychologists, Michael McCollough of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Robert Emmons of the University of California at Davis, conducted an experiment on the impact of gratitude on one’s well-being.  Several hundred participants were split into three different groups and were asked to keep daily journals.  One group was asked to keep a diary of their daily events, without emphasis on either good or bad.  A second group was asked to record their unpleasant experiences.  A third group was asked to make a list of only those things for which they were grateful. 

The results showed that those participants who kept a daily gratitude journal

  • reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy
  • experienced less stress and depression
  • exercised more
  • were more likely to help others
  • made greater progress toward achieving goals.

These studies also showed that practicing gratitude can increase happiness levels by about 25%.  Think about it — that’s one-quarter of your day happier!

Dr. Emmons’ research also showed that those who practiced gratitude tended to be more creative, were better able to bounce back more quickly from adversity, had stronger immune systems and stronger social relationships.  Not bad for a simple “Thank you!”

So as you go through your day, notice where your focus lies.  How much of your day is focused on your sorrows, on what you lack, on what is missing, or not enough of in your life?  How often is the focus on your blessings?  Are you grateful for what you have, what is good, what is working, and what IS enough?  The more we practice gratitude, the more we recognize all that we have to be grateful for!

Take a minute and look around.  Look at all the things that you have, and take for granted.  Do you have a roof over your head? Family? Work? Income? Food on your table? Are your eyes able to see?  Your ears able to hear?  Your arms and legs able to move?  Imagine losing any or all of these things.  Then imagine, one by one, getting them back.  To truly feel gratitude, you first must find the joy in the small things, the things that we so often take for granted.

Yes, unfortunate things will happen in your day. When they do, ask yourself, “What about this situation can I be grateful for?  What lesson can be learned?  How can I benefit from this?”   The reality is, we can’t control all things that will happen.  But what we can control is how we choose to react.

Just for today, notice the joy in the small things.  Notice what is working, what is good, and what IS enough.  Just for today, be Grateful.

Struggling with a Decision?

10/10/10 – Strategy for Decision Making

So often I hear about the struggles a client is having with making decisions.  So much time is spent trying to decide, that It gets pushed to the side (procrastination), and whatever it is that needs to get done, doesn’t.  And when it doesn’t get done, it then leads to rumination (focused attention on a thought), which then creates anxiety and stress.  Vicious cycle!

I came across a YouTube video (link below) by author and business journalist Suzy Welch, in which she discusses what she calls her “10/10/10” strategy for decision making.  Suzy says that when making a decision that you’re struggling with, ask yourself the following 3 questions:

If I choose “this”, how will I feel in 10 minutes?
How will I feel in 10 months?
How will I feel in 10 years?

Why does this strategy work so well?  According to Suzy Welch, because it forces you to come to terms with what is really important to you, what really matters.  She goes on to say that if you attach your values to your decision making (what you care most about), that’s when it is truly “transformative”.  Once you know what it is that you value, you then can ask yourself the three questions.

If you’re not sure what your values are, Suzy suggests that you ask yourself these 3 questions (I guess Suzy likes the number 3?):

  1. Fast forward 20, 30 or even 40 years — what would make you cry with regret?
  1. What do you want people to say about you when you’re not in the room?
  1. What did you love or hate about your childhood?  Do you have more of what you loved in your life, and are you letting go of what you didn’t like?

Next time you’re struggling with a decision, consider what your values are, then ask yourself the 3 questions:  How will I feel in 10 minutes? In 10 months? In 10 years?

The bonus to trying this strategy – it gets you thinking about your values.  Why are our values so important?  Because when we live by our values, we are living an authentic life.  When we are out of alignment with our values, that’s when we struggle. (Just something to consider.)