JMF Coaching

Life Coach•ADHD Specialist•Meditation Teacher

Meditation

Have we lost our ability to connect?

Sad, but true…

As sad as this is, it’s also very true. The irony of it, though, is that the need and desire for social connection — to interact, to listen to and to be heard by others — is innate in all of us.  We want to connect and we want to be heard! But unfortunately, it seems we’ve lost our ability to listen. Really listen. We’ve become a very fast-paced, impatient society of immediate gratification. We’ve lost our ability to be fully present, whether in a conversation, or a meal, or a walk in the park. Can we just enjoy a moment, like a sunset, without having to take 42 pictures of it while it’s happening? No doubt technology has made a profound improvement in our lives — Need an answer? Google it! Need help with something? There’s an app for it! Unfortunately, we’ve lost the “balance” and allowed it to take over.

We are addicted to our phones, our computers, our iPads, social media, the internet.

We’ve allowed these things to take us out of any situation that we find uncomfortable, or perhaps boring. Like a drug, we use them to escape. But somehow, unlike drugs, escaping into our technology is acceptable. Not only is it acceptable, but it’s become “the norm”. Just walk into a restaurant and look around. How many people do you see on their phones? Have we lost the desire to communicate? Has social media replaced connection? Have we lost our ability to be “fully present”?

The good news is that we’re aware of this.

We read about it. We talk about it. We acknowledge it. The bad news, unfortunately, is that we’re not doing anything to change it. While we do acknowledge that this is happening, most times we “acknowledge” it in others, not ourselves.

It’s time we take control back! Only we, as individuals, have the power to make the choice to change; to make the choice to impose “rules” on ourselves, like no cell phones at a dinner table, EVER, and set limitations. (Believe it or not, there was a time when we actually lived without them!)  Make the choice to connect with others. Make the choice to be fully present in every conversation or interaction that we have. Make the choice that just for today, we will listen. Really listen, listen with our ears, listen with our eyes, and listen with our hearts. That’s connection!

Peace,
Jo

It’s time we change the way we look at ADHD!

holding-on-to-anger-photo-by-Leland-Francisco
Photo by Leland Francisco

IT’S TIME WE CHANGE THE WAY WE LOOK AT ADHD!

Anyone who knows me or has worked with me knows that I’m not a fan of labels. Ironic, right? As an “ADHD” specialist, it’s a constant struggle for me in finding the right balance in using the “label” ADHD (which is of course necessary for treatment) and neurological difference and diversity, what I refer to as “brain type.”

While I absolutely believe that ADHD is real, I struggle with the term Attention Deficit Disorder, for a number of reasons.

First, I don’t believe that it’s a deficit of attention. What I do believe is that it’s a deficit of regulation of attention. The issue isn’t about paying attention, its about what you pay attention to; its about the inability to regulate where your attention goes.

And the second issue that I have is with the word “disorder”.  “Great news, honey! I’ve been diagnosed with a disorder!” said no one ever! The interesting thing about this brain type is that there are so many instances where having this brain is hardly a disorder! As a matter of fact, quite the contrary. It can be quite resourceful! There are many strengths and gifts associated with ADHD.

In his book ADD: A Different Perception, psychotherapist Thom Hartmann, suggests that ADHD is not a disorder. Early humans were hunters and gatherers. Thom Hartmann theorizes that just as our talents and strengths vary today, some humans were better suited for hunting and gathering than others. Because they were hyper-aware of every stimulus (easily distracted), they were able to constantly monitor their environment. This was necessary for survival!

In his hunter-farmer theory, he also suggests that by immediately reacting to a situation (impulsivity), this allowed the hunter to instantly identify and seize opportunities. Taking time thinking and planning would more likely have left the hunter without food.

In this chart from his book, you can see that what we now define as a “disorder” was actually beneficial.

https://www.thomhartmann.com/articles/2007/11/thom-hartmanns-hunter-and-farmer-approach-addadhd

Yes, I know. It’s true that today we’re no longer “hunting” for our survival. But there certainly are instances where these traits can be viewed as strengths and talents. Isn’t it in the impulsive and distracted mind that ideas, change and creativity are born?

Yes, there is a time and place for this, no doubt. I agree that a lack of regulation of attention definitely has it’s difficulties. But if we can learn to regulate our attention, then perhaps the only thing left is having the gift of this magnificent, and often brilliant brain type!

So how do you learn to regulate your attention? Start with a practice of Mindfulness!

I encourage you to take a few minutes to watch this YouTube video on Neurodiversity. It just might change the way you look at ADHD!

It’s time we see the value in this as well as all other brain types!

The Blame Game

You, and only you, are responsible for your life.

Every choice you make creates your reality. We don’t always have control over the situation, but what we can control is how we respond. In each situation, we’re given 3 choices.

  1. We can blame others for the pain, the grief or the sorrow that we’re experiencing. We are victim to their behaviors.
  2. We can blame ourselves for our own poor choices that led to this pain and suffering. We can become angry with ourselves for making such stupid choices.

The third choice is to just “be”

…be with the experience of the pain, without resistance, without judgment, without wanting it to change. Just allow it to be, knowing that it has it’s purpose in your life. We choose to see this as an opportunity to learn about ourselves.

Yeah, sometimes it sucks. It’s painful. It hurts. But when we choose blame, we choose resistance, we choose avoidance, we lose our power.  And we wait for it to happen again. And it will. It might not look the same, but the lesson that it teaches us is the same.

We can only know it’s purpose when we allow ourselves to experience it, without judgment and without blame. We ask ourselves these questions

  • What is the lesson?
  • What can I learn about myself in this situation?
  • How can I use this to move forward?

We listen. We learn. We grow.

There is the power!

Using Mindfulness to Overcome the Challenges of ADHD!

I invite you to join me in a small, group coaching program. In 6 weeks you will learn to utilize the practices of mindfulness and meditation to overcome the challenges of ADHD.

Learn Mindfulness and Meditation for ADHD with Jo Futerman ADHD, Life CoachUnlike many of the typical strategies for coping with ADHD, mindfulness takes us out of “auto-pilot.” It increases self-awareness and in-the-moment presence while improving focus and attention. Studies show that when used regularly, a mindfulness practice can help reduce symptoms of ADHD. By learning to use this practice, you will gain new ways to overcome:

  • the inability to sustain focus,
  • a lack of organization,
  • impulsivity,
  • and rumination, causing stress and anxiety.

As Dr. Lidia Zylowska, author of The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD explains it, “To be honest, at first I thought mindfulness would be used predominately to help manage high stress frequently seen in lives of adults with ADHD. But, it became clearer to me later that this approach can also be helpful in ADHD on many other levels. It can help with self-awareness and ADHD symptoms management (attention and emotion regulation). And, foster a more accepting and positive relationship one has with himself/herself and others—and that’s much needed in ADHD.”

Are you ready to take control and get out of auto-pilot?

Employing mindfulness and meditation are your tools to overcome reactivity and create more calm in your life! In just 6 weeks, as a member of my small, group coaching program, you will:

  • learn the many benefits of establishing a mindfulness practice,
  • gain a collection of simple, easy, doable ways to implement mindfulness into your daily life,
  • create mindfulness based strategies to overcome your own challenges,
  • and get the support needed to follow through!

Both morning and evening sessions are available — in person or via live interactive webinar. But, space is limited because these groups are kept small!

For more information or to register for a spot in the upcoming 6-week program, email Jo or call 516. 236.6964.

 

Top 5 Reasons Why I Meditate

Here are the 5 most important reason that I meditate:

  1. I’m a parent
  2. I have stress (see #1)
  3. I have anxiety (again, see #1)
  4. I ruminate (much of the time concerning, well, I’m sure you guessed it, #1)
  5. While I had practiced meditation on and off for many years, it was about 2 years ago that I made the commitment to practice every day. The change that this has made in my life (particularly concerning #1-4 above), has been amazing.

These are just my top five. There’s probably a million more, but I won’t bore you with a long list.

Now, I’m not gonna sit here and claim that I no longer have stress and I no longer have anxiety, and that my mind no longer wants to ruminate. Because then I’d be lying. The difference is, the stress and anxiety happen a lot less often. Why? Because I notice my thoughts (the cause of my stress and anxiety) and I’m able to get a handle on them.

Remember, it’s not the situation that causes stress or anxiety, it’s our thoughts about the situation.

When we can sit back and observe those thoughts, rather than get “hooked” on them, we react differently, we make better choices.

Rumination is just obsessive thinking. It’s a story that repeats itself, like a broken record, over and over again in our minds, and tends to grow each time it’s repeated. I’m now able to notice when my mind starts to go to that place of rumination. It’s like stepping your foot into a puddle, but realizing its quicksand, and quickly pulling it out before you get sucked in.

Meditation is not a cure-all.

It’s not the “kool-aid” that we drink and everything becomes magical. Sometimes the change that we experience isn’t the big “ah-ha moment” that Oprah wants us all to have. The change can be subtle. But it’s there. And over time, it becomes more and more obvious.

As a friend of mine once said, “I don’t understand why everyone isn’t meditating.” This is someone you might call “Type A”, and extremely skeptical when it was suggested to him (because of his many health problems) that he meditate. He now meditates no less than an hour a day.

Trust me. There’s a lot more to this than just being a part of what sometimes seems to be the latest craze or buzzword.  Meditation has been around for thousands of years. But there is now scientific proof to back its effectiveness. It’s why so many people in the medical community are now recommending mindfulness as an integral part of the treatment plan.

I’m a better parent and a better person because of my meditation practice. And that’s why I meditate.