JMF Coaching

Life Coach•ADHD Specialist•Meditation Teacher

Strategies

Have we lost our ability to connect?

Sad, but true…

As sad as this is, it’s also very true. The irony of it, though, is that the need and desire for social connection — to interact, to listen to and to be heard by others — is innate in all of us.  We want to connect and we want to be heard! But unfortunately, it seems we’ve lost our ability to listen. Really listen. We’ve become a very fast-paced, impatient society of immediate gratification. We’ve lost our ability to be fully present, whether in a conversation, or a meal, or a walk in the park. Can we just enjoy a moment, like a sunset, without having to take 42 pictures of it while it’s happening? No doubt technology has made a profound improvement in our lives — Need an answer? Google it! Need help with something? There’s an app for it! Unfortunately, we’ve lost the “balance” and allowed it to take over.

We are addicted to our phones, our computers, our iPads, social media, the internet.

We’ve allowed these things to take us out of any situation that we find uncomfortable, or perhaps boring. Like a drug, we use them to escape. But somehow, unlike drugs, escaping into our technology is acceptable. Not only is it acceptable, but it’s become “the norm”. Just walk into a restaurant and look around. How many people do you see on their phones? Have we lost the desire to communicate? Has social media replaced connection? Have we lost our ability to be “fully present”?

The good news is that we’re aware of this.

We read about it. We talk about it. We acknowledge it. The bad news, unfortunately, is that we’re not doing anything to change it. While we do acknowledge that this is happening, most times we “acknowledge” it in others, not ourselves.

It’s time we take control back! Only we, as individuals, have the power to make the choice to change; to make the choice to impose “rules” on ourselves, like no cell phones at a dinner table, EVER, and set limitations. (Believe it or not, there was a time when we actually lived without them!)  Make the choice to connect with others. Make the choice to be fully present in every conversation or interaction that we have. Make the choice that just for today, we will listen. Really listen, listen with our ears, listen with our eyes, and listen with our hearts. That’s connection!

Peace,
Jo

My wish for you in 2018

Wishing you and yours a very Happy New Year!

In 2018, may the choices that you make,
be a reflection of your Hopes, not your fears.

Love & Peace,
Jo

 

Just for Today – I will count my Blessings!

Well, for one, research shows the amazing benefits of gratitude!

Two psychologists, Michael McCollough of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and Robert Emmons of the University of California at Davis, conducted an experiment on the impact of gratitude on one’s well-being.  Several hundred participants were split into three different groups and were asked to keep daily journals.  One group was asked to keep a diary of their daily events, without emphasis on either good or bad.  A second group was asked to record their unpleasant experiences.  A third group was asked to make a list of only those things for which they were grateful. 

The results showed that those participants who kept a daily gratitude journal

  • reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy
  • experienced less stress and depression
  • exercised more
  • were more likely to help others
  • made greater progress toward achieving goals.

These studies also showed that practicing gratitude can increase happiness levels by about 25%.  Think about it — that’s one-quarter of your day happier!

Dr. Emmons’ research also showed that those who practiced gratitude tended to be more creative, were better able to bounce back more quickly from adversity, had stronger immune systems and stronger social relationships.  Not bad for a simple “Thank you!”

So as you go through your day, notice where your focus lies.  How much of your day is focused on your sorrows, on what you lack, on what is missing, or not enough of in your life?  How often is the focus on your blessings?  Are you grateful for what you have, what is good, what is working, and what IS enough?  The more we practice gratitude, the more we recognize all that we have to be grateful for!

Take a minute and look around.  Look at all the things that you have, and take for granted.  Do you have a roof over your head? Family? Work? Income? Food on your table? Are your eyes able to see?  Your ears able to hear?  Your arms and legs able to move?  Imagine losing any or all of these things.  Then imagine, one by one, getting them back.  To truly feel gratitude, you first must find the joy in the small things, the things that we so often take for granted.

Yes, unfortunate things will happen in your day. When they do, ask yourself, “What about this situation can I be grateful for?  What lesson can be learned?  How can I benefit from this?”   The reality is, we can’t control all things that will happen.  But what we can control is how we choose to react.

Just for today, notice the joy in the small things.  Notice what is working, what is good, and what IS enough.  Just for today, be Grateful.

The Power of a Group!

In one week, I will finish the last session of my first group coaching, and I’m thrilled to say, it was a tremendous success!  In our small group we were able to address the needs and concerns of each person in the group.  What I loved most was the relationship that formed within the group.  They created a safe space to be vulnerable, to share, to learn, and to grow as they supported one another.  The connection and support that was created within the group was truly transformative!

Each week, we explored some of the behaviors that typically go along with ADHD. We discussed strategies to overcome challenges such as being on time, or organizing space, or following through with projects.  We also discussed ways to create more calm, and less reactivity, by implementing a practice of mindfulness.  We worked on ways to break through behaviors and patterns, like rumination and negative self-talk, that create stress and anxiety.  And we discussed how to incorporate self-care into daily living.

I am now forming additional groups.  There will be a Morning Women’s Group as well as additional Evening Adult Groups for men and women.  Group size is limited to insure the intimacy and effectiveness.   If you are interested in joining a group or would like additional information, please go to website: http://jmfcoaching.com/product/group-adhd-workshop/ or contact me at 516-236-6964.  I look forward to speaking with you!

Struggling with a Decision?

10/10/10 – Strategy for Decision Making

So often I hear about the struggles a client is having with making decisions.  So much time is spent trying to decide, that It gets pushed to the side (procrastination), and whatever it is that needs to get done, doesn’t.  And when it doesn’t get done, it then leads to rumination (focused attention on a thought), which then creates anxiety and stress.  Vicious cycle!

I came across a YouTube video (link below) by author and business journalist Suzy Welch, in which she discusses what she calls her “10/10/10” strategy for decision making.  Suzy says that when making a decision that you’re struggling with, ask yourself the following 3 questions:

If I choose “this”, how will I feel in 10 minutes?
How will I feel in 10 months?
How will I feel in 10 years?

Why does this strategy work so well?  According to Suzy Welch, because it forces you to come to terms with what is really important to you, what really matters.  She goes on to say that if you attach your values to your decision making (what you care most about), that’s when it is truly “transformative”.  Once you know what it is that you value, you then can ask yourself the three questions.

If you’re not sure what your values are, Suzy suggests that you ask yourself these 3 questions (I guess Suzy likes the number 3?):

  1. Fast forward 20, 30 or even 40 years — what would make you cry with regret?
  1. What do you want people to say about you when you’re not in the room?
  1. What did you love or hate about your childhood?  Do you have more of what you loved in your life, and are you letting go of what you didn’t like?

Next time you’re struggling with a decision, consider what your values are, then ask yourself the 3 questions:  How will I feel in 10 minutes? In 10 months? In 10 years?

The bonus to trying this strategy – it gets you thinking about your values.  Why are our values so important?  Because when we live by our values, we are living an authentic life.  When we are out of alignment with our values, that’s when we struggle. (Just something to consider.)